Relationships Continue

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I have learned from past relationships what I don’t want.  This is what experience is for to learn something.  Remembering NOW to not settle for less than a reflection of  love.   IT  is a process I am finding since my mother, who was my nemesis, passed a year ago.  Finding a new play for myself is the goal.

Me being a 33/6 in the book How to Live the Life You were Born to Live is about me using my imagination to create my life. 

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

If the Buddha Married: Creating Enduring Relationships on a Spiritual Path (Compass)

Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power

and  Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment

have been very helpful before therapy came along during this past year.

Realizing my search for happiness, discovering how unique I am, realizing how important it is to have people in my life who love and respect me and me them has been life changing.  The hardest part has been to realize that life is a reflection of who I am.  Life is a mirror.  Do I like what I see?  Am I seeing a reflection of who I am?  Am I willing to stand up for myself?  Am I willing to make a change?

It seems to me my life has been about change and the waking dream.  Learning How to Survive Spiritually in These Times, realizing this lifetime can be about learning one lesson that gets more subtle and more subtle like is freedom being taken away?  Am I paying attention to the message life is bringing?  Am I listening to my inner voice?

When I worked on the Psychic Network, (yes, it’s true) I would ask people three questions about their relationship:  Can you be yourself, do they do what they say they will and do you trust them?  If there is one area where the answer is no, then there is a huge problem, I felt.

The movie Tumbleweeds which Angela, my daughter, wrote about she and I, changed my life twelve years ago. When I asked myself what it meant to me to have a movie made about myself, the answer came loud and clear as if someone had spoken in the room, “Well, Joann, do you see the patterns of your lifetime yet, everyone else has.”  This realization lead  to read The Verbally Abusive Relationship which helped me see the patterns of my lifetime.  These relationships were really about me trying to win someones love just like I had with my mother.

The love I see now is for myself and what makes me happy – is to not settle for anything less as it’s a new life for me. I had a confirming experience of this during contemplation where I was with one of my teachers. We were walking down a country road with golden leafed trees on either side. When I got through bemoaning my life, he turned to me and said, ” Joann, IT does not matter what you do in your life, all that matters is that you do what you love.”

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